There is for some reason a plethora of quotes and ditties and superstitions around getting married. Obviously in the 1700’s some poor bride couldn’t sleep – if I invite Aunt Theodora then she will bring her gardener because we used to play in the walled garden when young and if he comes that means I will have to invite poor Clara from St Ursula’s and she doesn’t eat pheasant and then Miss Quagmire will go on and on about the curd giving her curdles and I just can’t – so she stayed up and jotted down some pops of wisdom designed to both entertain us and cause us concern.

For example, the day upon which you marry is fraught with danger;

Marry on a Monday for health,

Tuesday for wealth

Wednesday the best day of all.

Thursday for crosses,

Friday for losses,

And Saturday for no luck at all.

Hmm, maybe choose Sunday then?

Don’t do May, ‘marry in the month of May, and you’ll surely rue the day’…but May is so pretty!!

Let’s focus on the dress for a minute. Word has it that if you sew a stitch on your gown, each stitch is a tear you will shed (but if you cry on your wedding day it means you will never cry again so go ahead and sew, just be sure to bawl on the day).

There is even a poem for different colour dresses:

Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead

Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow

Married in green, ashamed to be seen

Married in pink, your spirit will sink

Married in grey, you will go far away

Married in black, you will wish yourself back


Also, be sure to pop a spider on your dress for maximum good omenship. Uh huh. And after you have planted that spider, check out your grooms tie – if it’s crooked, he will be unfaithful. Who the heck started that rumour??

Before you select your spouse, please ensure that their surname does not begin with the same letter as your surname ‘to change the name and not the letter/is to change for the worst and not the better’. And don’t ever write your married name down prior to being married, it’s very dangerous.

In Morocco, the women take a milk bath before the ceremony to purify them. After you have drunk from the toilet a la France of course! And then you can cross-dress Danish style to confuse the evil spirits. And then throw peas at each other like Czech newlyweds. Oh it’s all so fun!

If you want a sunny day, bury a bottle of bourbon upside down at the wedding site a month before. But if it does rain, it will be quite a boost to your fertility and will unify you two lovebirds.

In short, to ensure excellent luck all the days of your life, you must marry on a Wednesday in say June, wear a veil, let a cat eat out of your wedding shoe, carry roses, let the guests throw their shoes at you and do not, I repeat, do not see a nun on the way to the wedding. Oh and if you insist on getting married in the Congo, please do not smile.

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